So I had some thoughts today about my future education. But before I go into that, two things. 1) I actually didn't have work today. I called this morning to ask a question about my uniform and was told that I work tomorrow, not today. I suppose the manager misspoke. Oh, well! Lauren and I had an excellent day hanging out together. I'll fill you on my first day of work tomorrow evening. 2) The weather today was beautiful! Hardly any clouds in the sky and all the colors were so vivid!
What's that? You want a picture? Okay!
As always, click on the picture for a bigger view. You can then click on the picture once more to zoom in on different parts of the image. See if you can find the cat!
Anyway, back to future education. Even though we just got here, we need to start thinking about the next step in our adventure. If I want to attend grad school next fall, I need to apply at the beginning of 2011, maybe earlier for some schools. Once again, I find myself in the same position I've been in four or five times in as many years. A very wise man (my pastor) once told me that most people don't find what they would consider their "calling" to be until their mid-40s. He said that instead of trying to figure that out now, I should just pick one thing I'm interested in and go for it. Well, I'm really trying, but it's hard.
Why? I suppose I have trouble deciding what that first try should be. Lauren and I are in an excellent place right now, educationally speaking. Once the kids come, our education options will become very limited, especially because Lauren wants to stay home with the kids (which I fully support). I can't exactly go to school while working for the bread and mortgage. I just want to make the best decision possible while our options are still open. No, I don't think that once my wife's belly starts to grow, my educational opportunities will evaporate, but let's be honest--it's far easier to get more education now than after the kids come. However, as my friends are well aware, I can think about things way too much and paralyze my decision-making ability.
Where am I going with this? Well, there's always been one education option that I've gone back to time and time again--seminary. Every time I sit down and say, "Okay, I just need to make a decision and go for something," I inevitably choose seminary. I feel good about my decision for a few days... and then I start to think about my motivation and I freeze up. Here are a few examples:
- I'm afraid I'm drawn to seminary because people I love and respect tell me I should look into it, and therefore I'm only trying to appease them.
- I'm afraid I'm drawn to seminary because it's such a "Christian" thing to do, and therefore I'm only trying to appease God.
- I'm afraid I'm drawn to seminary because I think I have a natural aptitude for that kind of thing and that it will be easier than other options, and therefore I'm only trying to appease myself.
- I'm afraid I'm drawn to seminary because I think I'll really enjoy it, but I also have some strange, masochistic notion that God only asks us to do hard, painful things.
*sighs* Welcome to the strange world of Aaron's mind.
There you have it. Feel free to post any feedback in the comments section. I'd be happy to hear any thoughts on the issue. I'm off to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. :-)
P.S. As far as I know, there isn't a cat in that picture I posted. How long did you look for it?
Hello Kopfs!
ReplyDeleteThe first thing to clarify--what program? Do you want to go to seminary to be trained as clergy (I'm assuming you're talking about this option) or on an academic track? Those are two very different callings...
Speaking from the perspective of being at seminary right now: it can be scary, but it helps to know we have a whole community behind us. Honestly, I don't know how other denominations work, but after going through discernment with Brooks in the Episcopal Church, I imagine it would be far more difficult to figure out your call without such a process in place. Brooks's discernment committee met once a month for 8 months before he moved on to the next step, but often it's longer than that.
So I guess I would consider that the first step... get a group of people together to ask the hard questions and to figure out what exactly you feel called to, because if there's any way you can fulfill that without getting ordained, you'll probably save yourself a lot of trouble ;)
I hope that is in some way helpful! Feel free to facebook Brooks to talk more about it--I'm sure he'd love to help.
--Becca
PS(from Brooks): It's easier for me to want to do this than to want to do other things, but I wouldn't say that doing this is easier. Don't let what "easy" be what decides it for you. There is a danger in trying to appease others, but there can also be a lot of wisdom in what others see in you that you might not see in yourself. In short: PRAY.
PPS: We visited a Scottish Episco. Church when Brooks visited me there, and the Dean of the (the region we were in) practically offered him a job... apparently they need new priests there. Something to keep in mind if you want to stay on that side of the world ;)
Higher education of any kind isn't easy, so even if it seems like an "obvious" or "easy" decision, seminary - especially since it deals with some deep spiritual issues - is really NOT easy.
ReplyDeleteBecca brings up a point I've never considered, the idea that there are two significantly different paths in seminary. Clergy or Academia. I can see you doing both, but the novelty of Academic seminary is particularly interesting to me for you.
Anyways, Brooks is right, in the end only you can make the decision, and you'll only have the confidence and joy IN that decision if you spend your time in prayer searching for what God's will is (or is not) in this situation.
God has a plan, be still and patient.
Hey Aaron!
ReplyDeleteCaught this blog post and my first response was...Hmmm, I have some thoughts about that process. Maybe I can add a little to the perspective mix. Drop me an email and maybe we can connect via Skype. I'd love to chat some with you.
Uncle Bruce