As many of you know from your Irish Folklore classes you took in college, Ireland is completely devoid of snakes. As legend has it, old Saint Patrick pulled a Moses and held a staff in the air near the Irish coast, thereby herding the slithery reptiles into the sea, never to be seen again. Ireland also happens to be way too frigid for cold-blooded reptiles to live for longer than a few months, but hey, the legend sounds way cooler. That being said, Lauren and I have been shocked and amazed to learn that there are five other things that you just won't find in Ireland, no doubt thanks to staff-wielding saints.
5. Leprechans
Surprised, right? Despite their very Irish reputation, there actually aren't any tiny green men running through the countryside, sliding down rainbows and getting children hopped up on sugary cereal.
"Bigger marshmallows?" Are those really necessary, Sir Charms?
If there are leprechauns in Ireland, Lauren and I certainly haven't seen any, but as a Bigfoot believer, I will hold out hope. On another note, there are people in the United States that are fairly convinced that leprechans do exist, perhaps in their own backyard. For the sake of your keyboard, don't drink anything while watching this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8
4. Armed Policemen
Lauren and I expected the police here (officially known as the Garda) to carry guns. Since police officers in the States certainly don't shy away from firearms (the campus police at UCA actually purchased several assault rifles in 2008), we assumed that all law enforcement officers pack heat. We couldn't have been more incorrect. Apparently, the Garda only carry mace and the odd baton.
On the plus side, they do sport very stylish vests.
Lauren and I assume that the Garda don't carry guns because they aren't really necessary for subduing intoxicated Irishmen and rowdy freshmen. To be honest, we actually haven't read about any violent crime in Dublin or greater Ireland since we arrived. Perhaps American criminals pack heat to deal with the firearm-toting police (i.e. Law of Escalation)? Or perhaps the Garda deploy invisible leprechauns to deal with law-breakers?
3. Chocolate Chips
Now this one is just plain shocking. In the States, you can walk into any supermarket and find entire shelves of chocolate chips with 15 different flavors, including butterscotch, peanut butter and caramel. We even fool ourselves into eating giant versions of chocolate chips at Christmastime and, in our willful denial, call them "kisses." Chocolate chip cookies are about as American as apple pie, baseball or Hummers.
Pictured: America
In Ireland? Not so much. Apparently chocolate chips aren't very well-known in the United Kingdom either. When I asked my Irish and English coworkers if they knew what chocolate chips were, one thought that I meant chocolate potato chips, and the other thought I meant chocolate fries. While both sound tantalizingly delicious, neither coworker had ever heard of putting chocolate bits in cookies. It sounds like Lauren and I have some major culturalizing to do.
2. Filthy Public Transportation
For the most part, public transportation in the United States has a pretty bad name. Since we drive our own cars most of the time, public transportation is usually a last resort while traveling in NYC or Chicago. Americans that live in larger cities tend to use public transportation all the time, but that certainly doesn't mean that the available buses/subways/trams are clean.
Caution: leaning too close to this image can cause hepatitis.
However, the public transportation in Dublin (and we assume Greater Ireland) is immaculate. The trams never have stray trash on the floor, the buses smell just fine and don't have sticky seats, and I have yet to see any graffiti or demarcation within any public vehicles. Since we use public transportation often, this comes as a pleasant surprise. And so, family members, don't worry about Lauren and I bringing home any unwanted "souvenirs" from the Irish public transportation system. Speaking of which--the number one thing that you would expect to find in Ireland, but won't is...
That's right, Lauren and I are coming home for a couple weeks just after Christmas. We hope to see everyone at least once and look forward to eating some yummy chocolate chip cookies, Goldfish and maybe even the odd Big Mac.
I will never escape your delicious temptation!
We're still putting an itinerary together, and we'll be sure to let everyone know where we will be over the course of the visit. If you'd like for us to bring back anything cheap/small from Ireland for you, just comment below and we'll do our best.
I hope you enjoyed learning a bit about Ireland. Have an excellent week and eat a fatty fast-food burger for me. Cheers!
Bahahaha! Chocolate potatoe chips / fries. That's fantastic. Seriously though, I asked some Irish people how they made chocolate chip cookies and they said "why would you make cookies when you can buy them already made at the store?" Clearly we're not understanding each other.
ReplyDeleteI'msoexcited!!! and I just can't hide it!! I know, I know, I know I think I like it!!
ReplyDelete1) omnomnom. I can't wait :}
ReplyDelete2) on behalf of those that WOULD use public xportation FIRST if available, I must say this makes Ireland all the more attractive. when I was in France MOST of the metros were "ok" but there was one line in particular (the B line) that was just a few degrees better than what I imagine the public xport line in hell to be like.
3) it is most dissatisfying that there are no available chocolate chips, since my favorite cookie of all time is oatmeal chocolate chip (OMGOMNOMNOM) but I have recently learned to better appreciate lemon and peanut butter as well (separate tastes not combined....yuck.)
4) I've thought about it for a good while now, and I'm not sure how I fall on the armed/unarmed Garda situation. On one hand, it DOES discourage the Law of Escalation from taking effect, on the other hand there are occasionally attacks on officers that may not under different circumstances have occurred.....on the other hand those situations may have escalated beyond normal circumstances had the officers been armed/taken shots....due to Escalation. Round and round we go. The bottom line is most likely this: The Garda are there to preserve peace; as long as attaining arms is not something easily done for the public, the lack of arming the Garda discourages more than it ENcourages the presence of firearms in most felons. Logically, why bring a gun if you and enough of your buddies can overpower a cop? Why kill the cop if you can overpower the cop? Who knows...I just know the consequences are in favor of the peaceful in the realm of the unarmed. Bruises and cuts heal faster than bullet holes.
5) I refuse to believe that Leprechauns aren't involved in Ireland in every way possible (culturally, religiously, sexually, politically, sexually, culinarily, educationally, etc).
All in all, good article :) I mean post. :D
It was great talking to you the other day, I look forward to it happening again soon - as well as in person when you get home for christmas (be sure to sing the song a lot).